Stardust
by Chasyn
Summary: Something leaked through the mindmeld with Spock Prime. Jim wants answers. But those answers aren't any comfort. He's shown the life he was meant to have. But can he do it? Can he be the man in those images? What sort of life would he have in this timeline if he and Spock were together? Is his life really his own? Or just an image? Warnings: Jim/Spock. Mpreg in later chapters.
1. Enchanted Loom

**Disclaimer:** No one owns anything here.  
**Warnings:** Language, gayness, death, brief detailed description of female genitalia, mpreg, kids, made up planets, etc. Yes, I said male pregnancy. This is mapped out into 4 parts. The mpreg will start in part two. So if you'd like to stick around until then, I'll post up a warning as to when that part will start. I like to give warnings so people can't yell later when the baby comes. So I'm saying it again. Male pregnancy. Also, this will mostly follow the 2009 JJ. Abrams Trekverse. But will have bits and pieces from the original and TNG.

.-*-*-*-.

**Stardust  
Chapter 1: Enchanted Loom**

He hung back, waiting and watching, as the two different timeline Spocks conversed. It was… unusual, to say the least, to watch. And confusing. And he almost felt foolish, spying on them like he was. But he stood, waiting and watching silently, until they departed. "Spock!" He hissed out lowly after the Vulcan of his timeline left. It sounded weird, calling the older version of him that. But what else would he call him?

The older Vulcan turned slowly, curiosity showing on his face. He glanced back at the retreating form of his younger self. "Young Jim. To what do I owe this… unexpected surprise?"

Jim paused for a moment, a frown on his face. Before he started, he wasn't sure how to start. "I don't know what to call you."

The older Spock seemed to consider for a moment. "It is confusing, is it not? Prime seems an adequate term."

Jim nodded slowly. He motioned to him and turned. Spock followed silently and Jim led him to a secluded spot of the hanger where they wouldn't be overheard. Jim fiddled with the bottom hem of his shirt. He was nervous. He was actually nervous! He'd been both dreading and waiting for this chance to speak with the Spock he had met on Delta Vega just a short time ago. But now…

"Jim."

The voice brought him out of his nervous daze. He turned suddenly and stared at the older man. "On Delta Vega… the mindmeld when we first met… that emotional connection thing…" He gesture to him head and trailed off, turning away slightly.

"Yes." Spock dipped his head slightly. "I apologize again for that. It happens…"

Jim waved him off and shook his head. "No. There was… something else…" He said slowly. "Something… towards me…"

Spock was silent a moment. He dipped his head slowly and nodded. "My apologies. You are… obviously similar... I thought I hid it well."

"You didn't." Jim snapped. "I…" He faltered, attempting to keep his voice level under control. "You… him… me…" He rubbed at his forehead.

"The Jim Kirk of my time…" Spock started slowly. "We were friends, colleagues, partners… in our later years… bondmates, lovers… we were… soulmates…"

Jim lifted his hand, stopping him. It was too much. He had secretly expected it since he had met the future Vulcan. But hearing it with such honestly… "Show me!" He demanded, spinning around towards him. He reached out and grabbed Prime's hand. He pressed it to his face. "Show me."

Spock nodded, adjusted his fingers over the correct meld spots, and dove in.

.-*-*-*-.

_There was always an unspoken spark between us…_ the Vulcan's voice said. _Ever since we became part of the Enterprise crew._

Pictures of the two of them on the bridge flash. Jim smiles at Spock as he lowers himself into the Captain's chair. Spock cocks an eyebrow and for a split second, his mouth twitches in a return smile. Spock walks by on the way to his station, his hand brushing the Captain's shoulder as he passes.

_He was my Captain. I, his First Officer. It didn't seem practical. But it was what it was. We danced around it for years._

Images change and shift. The two of them on some planet standing a bit too close together, playing chess in Spock's quarters with lingering touches, glances stolen when no one was around.

_It wasn't until after my death, David's loss, and my rebirth that we said, to quote him, "Fuck them all."_

Spock dies from radiation in the ship's core. His spirit is trapped in Bones. And David's there. His son. Jim's son. Images of David, on a planet created by Genesis. David protecting a much younger reborn Spock and a female Vulcan Saavik. Klingon Commander Kruge kills David. And then they're on Vulcan, the real Vulcan, undergoing _fal tor pan_ and Spock is himself again.

It shifted again. They stand in Jim's quarters, close proximity but not touching. Tears in Jim's eyes, concern in Spock's. They are older now then when they first began this dance. But all the years they had been together, ignoring everything… Spock, in a very uncharacteristic manner, throws himself at his grieving Captain. Their lips crash together and the scene explodes.

_We just… fell together after that. We filled void's neither of us knew were there._

Spock's fingers press against Jim's face and they meld. Jim's feelings flood through the meld.

.-*-*-*-.

Jim pushed against it and Spock Prime released him. He stumbled back, clutching at his chest. "I can't…" He gasped out. "I can't…"

Spock nodded. "I understand. It's a lot to take in."

Jim shook his head. "Not that… I can't…" He didn't only see it. He felt it. From both of them, Spock and his future self. Everything. Spock was his everything. And he was his. "It's not a gay thing… or a Vulcan…" He stuttered. "I can't... be that… I don't have it in me. I can't be that important. For anyone. I just… can't."

"My young Jim…" There was a hint of laughter in Spock's voice. "Your life is your own. Yours alone. The timelines have been altered beyond repair. What happens is up to you. It is your own choice."

"Stop saying that!" He snapped.

"Jim… I don't know what you want me to say." Spock said evenly. "I won't apologize for living my life the way I did. I wouldn't want anything changed." He tilted his head. "As for showing you… you asked."

"We are different." Jim mused. "Me and… your Jim. We're different." He insisted. "He could do it but I can't. I'm not the 'settle down' type."

Spock laughed; an actual chuckle escaped his lips. The laugh grew louder and he shook his head slowly.

Jim frowned, thinking the Vulcan was not taking him seriously. "I'm… like a… man whore!"

Spock shook his head slowly, the laugh still on his lips. "Young Jim… my Jim… you two aren't so different. I shouldn't tell you but to reassure you… I will go against my better judgment."

Jim's crossed his arms. "What?"

"He once fell in love with a girl from the 1930's after a week of knowing her." Spock said with a hint of a smile. "He spent three months in an amnesia induced love affair with an alien tribal priestess. He charmed his way out of a gladiator type imprisonment by flirting with his female trainer. He fell in love everywhere we went."

Jim threw up his arms. "That makes it worse!"

"Oh Jim. Just because you've enjoyed the company of many doesn't mean that when you meet that right one, you can't be happy. Your past doesn't dictate your future." He tilted his head to the side. "Your future doesn't dictate your future either."

Jim rolled his eyes.

Spock continued. "He had a lot of love to give. Such a big heart." Spock smiled, lost in memories for a moment. "But… once we embraced each other… he… what you say… only had eyes for me."

Jim turned slowly, his eyes on the floor. He lifted them suddenly to Spock, watching him. "Are you sure you're Spock?"

He smiled again. "You had undue influence on me."

Jim let out a sigh and turned away. They were scheduled to leave soon. He'd have to see now-Spock soon. Could be stand face to face with the Vulcan and not think about the images he'd been shown? Could he not act on the lingering emotions running through him from the mindmeld? Was it only the mindmeld? "You put these thoughts in my head!" He snapped suddenly, fisting his hair. "How am I supposed to trust myself now? Or you? The… you… now…" He stammered.

"You asked me to show you." Spock said calmly.

"I know."

"Would you have rather I kept it from you?"

"Yes!" Jim snapped. "No…" He added quickly. "You're right." He admitted with a sigh. "I asked. Thank you."

Spock studied him a moment. "Jim… are you going to be okay?"

"Yeah." He waved him off. "I'm fine. I'll be fine…"

Spock nodded and stepped around him. "I believe we both have places to be."

Jim turned slowly. He nodded and offered the Vulcan a wave. "Thank you. For showing me. You cleared up… a lot."

Spock nodded and turned to leave.

"Is it… worth it?" Jim called after him.

Spock turned around and tilted his head in a puzzling manner.

"Vulcan's live longer than humans." Jim said slowly. "Is it worth it?"

"The few short years we spend together were the best of my life. I will love him and grieve for him until the day I die. It will always have been worth it."

.-*-*-*-.


	2. Voyages of Self Discovery

**Author's Notes:** The timeline of the end of Into Darkness didn't fit in with what I wanted to do, with Jim being in a coma for only 2 weeks and it take a year for the Enterprise to be repaired and for the 5 year mission to start. So I changed it up a bit.

.-*-*-*-.

**Stardust  
****Chapter 2: Voyages of Self Discovery**

His eyes snapped open suddenly and he gasped. He blinked his eyes rapidly in the bright light. The window to his left was large, drawn open, and sunlight filtered in. Earth, he guessed, glancing around the medical room. Clearly, a Starfleet Hospital. But… what…

He slowly sat up and rubbed at his forehead. There was a violent thudding behind his eyes the moment he moved. He reached over and hit the intercom. "Bones!" He groaned out and collapsed.

"Jim! Don't move!" Came a fast answer.

"I can't…" He grumbled.

Less than a minute later, Dr. Leonard McCoy came bursting through the door. "Jim!" He skidded to a halt beside the bed and pulled out his scanner.

"Captain!" Spock hung back in the doorway for a moment before stepping into the room. He sounded relieved.

"We've been waiting weeks." McCoy grumbled, running the scanner over his chest. "We leave you alone for twenty minutes to speak with Scotty and you wake up." He ran the scanner down Jim's body, checking the data it threw back at him.

"Scotty…" Jim gasped out as McCoy pushed his back to a lying position. "Wake up… weeks?" His mind wasn't working right. Everything was a slow jumble. "Spock!" He tried to sit up again and another wave hit him.

"Don't move!" McCoy pushed him down and Spock moved to help him. McCoy let Spock take over. He pulled out his hypo and shot Jim in the neck.

Jim's body, from the neck down, went limp. The pain subsided and his head cleared. He breathed out in relief.

"You were dead, Jim." McCoy grumbled. "Your body's still recovering. If I have to strap you to this bed, damnit, you're not moving for another week." He eased off and motioned for Spock to do the same. "At least."

"Bones!" Jim whined for a moment then relented with a sigh. He couldn't move. It was useless to fight him now.

McCoy rolled his eyes and leaned against the bed. "Don't be so melodramatic."

"What happened?" Jim asked slowly. He remembered going into the core… but…

"Radiation poisoning." McCoy answered. "You were dead. I was able to synthesize a serum from Kahn's blood."

"Kahn?"

McCoy nodded. "Complete transfusion. You were completely eradiated. I still don't know what lingering effects it may…"

"Enough, Bones." Jim said, frowning. "Right now, I don't care. How long have I been out?"

McCoy glanced back at Spock.

The Vulcan stepped forward. "2 months, 3 weeks, 1 day, 14…"

"That's enough." McCoy snapped, rolling his eyes. "Almost 3 months, Jim."

"3 months…" He breathed out. "How's everyone? My mom? Scotty, Sulu, Chekov, Uhura!"

"Everyone is fine." McCoy grumbled. "You're mom visited once. She's off planet again. Most of the crew is on leave. Scotty's still effecting repairs on the ship."

Jim perked up immediately. "How's she look?"

"Like new." McCoy cocked a smile. "Almost. He's predicting she'll be flight worthy in four days."

Jim's eyes widened and he smiled. "We can leave in four days? That's great!"

McCoy nodded his head towards Spock. "Acting Captain Spock will decide that, not you."

"Acting Captain?" Jim turned his gaze to the quiet Vulcan.

Spock looked away quickly, almost as if he were feeling guilty.

"Until I release you for duty." McCoy was a bit too cocky as he said it.

"Bones! I'm…"

"You are not fine, Captain." Spock said forcefully. "Until you are, Sulu and I are overseeing the repairs and upgrades to the Enterprise."

"Sulu?" Jim snorted.

Spock furrowed his eyebrows and tilted his head. "I thought he was an adequate choice for First Officer. Do you not agree? He has been your choice before."

"No, of course not." Jim said with a smile. "Sulu would be my second choice."

"Thank you Captain." Spock nodded.

McCoy rolled his eyes. "Come on, Acting Captain. Go act like a Captain and let the real Captain get some rest."

"Doctor…"

"No!" McCoy grabbed the Vulcan's arm and Spock let himself be pulled towards the door. "Out!" "He glanced back. "I'll be back to check on you. Sleep. If you don't, I'll make you."

Jim let out a deep sigh as he leaned back on the pillows. He had to admit that the short exchange had exhausted him. He closed his eyes and his mind went blank.

.-*-*-*-.

"Keptin!"

"I'm not the Captain, Chekov." Jim grumbled. His arms were crossed and he was clearly pouting. Crew members had been randomly popping in to visit since he woke.

The young Russian stared at him blankly for a moment. "Vhat du I call zu den?"

He shrugged. "Jim. That's my name." He said sulkily.

"Get over it." McCoy snapped, pushing him down on the examination table. "Behave and you'll be back on deck before you know it."

Chekov smiled brightly and saluted. "Gute luck."

Jim leaned back with a sigh, letting his arms fall to his side. "I've been telling you! I'm fine!"

"I decide that." McCoy smiled.

Jim let out a groan. "But I have nothing to do!"

"Rest. Heal. That's your job now." McCoy began running the scanner over him once again.

For the next hour, Jim was silent, letting McCoy do scans and run whatever tests he wanted to. "Bones…" Jim started slowly, once the Doctor appeared done.

The Doctor sighed. "Damnit man!"

"No… no, no, no." Jim shook his head. "I'll do whatever you say, okay? I promise."

McCoy rolled his eyes.

"Honestly!" He held up his hands slowly. "I just… had a question for you."

McCoy leaned against the bed. "What?"

Jim hesitated and stuttered a bit. "We're friends, right? We've known each other for a few years now."

"Damnit Jim…" McCoy pushed off the bed and threw up his arms. "You're not in love with me, are you?"

Jim rolled his eyes. "Just answer the question."

He shrugged. "Yeah, of course. We're friends. Why?"

"What do you honestly think of me? Like…" He signed in exasperation. "Can you see me in love? Am I capable? Deserving?"

"Are you actually in love with me?" McCoy asked slowly. He was mostly joking…

"Seriously, Bones. Can you see me down the road? Kids and a family? Settled down?"

McCoy stared at him. "Kids?"

Jim shrugged and shook his head. "Or… not… I guess. But like… married… or at least in love."

"Love." McCoy repeated slowly.

"Am I a 'love' person, Bones?" Jim insisted.

McCoy crossed his arms and tiled his head. "Are you sure you aren't in love with me?"

"No, Bones!" He snapped.

McCoy stepped closer, frowning. "Are you in love with someone?"

"No!" Jim said quickly. "Well… not… yet…" He added slowly.

"There is someone though, right?" McCoy moved closer and leaned on the bed once again, watching Jim closely.

Jim averted his gaze and hunched down a bit. He crossed his arms quickly, suddenly wishing he hadn't started this.

"A man?"

He didn't answer. He continued to stare intently at the wall.

"An alien?" McCoy probed.

Jim let out a sigh and nodded, though he was still staring at the wall.

"Damnit, Jim! It's not Khan, is it?"

Jim turned to gawk at him in horror.

"Because I'll kill you right now if this is about Kahn."

"Tell me that did NOT just come out of your mouth."

McCoy studied him for a moment before holding his hands up. "You're only twenty-five. Tell me where this is coming from. What happened?"

Jim searched McCoy's face for any hint of mockery. When he found nothing but sincerity, he leaned back and sighed. "A while back… when Spock was Captain and marooned me on Delta Vega… and I met Spock… uh… he called himself Prime… he melded with me, right? To prove who he was and explain what happened."

McCoy nodded. "I'm familiar."

"Well… something slipped through. I ignored it because we had more important things to deal with. But after we defeated Nero and the Romulans were destroyed… I found Prime and asked him… he showed me the truth." Jim shook his head slowly. "He and the Jim Kirk of his time… they were…" He adverted his gaze and rubbed at the back of his neck. He hadn't told another person. He hadn't even said it aloud since speaking with Prime.

McCoy remained silent as Jim mulled. It wasn't hard for him to see where this was going. He easily pieced the puzzle together that Jim had presented to him. But he waited patiently.

Finely, Jim sighed and just said it. "They were lovers."

McCoy nodded slowly. "And?"

"And?" Jim snapped. "Spock and I! Together! He's like… my best friend."

"Gee, thanks." McCoy drawled sarcastically.

Jim rolled his eyes. "Other best friend. This isn't about you, Bones."

McCoy laughed. "Jim… are you in love with Spock?"

"No." He said flatly.

"Are you attracted to him?"

Jim shrugged.

"That's not an answer Jim."

Jim sighed and leaned all the way back on his bed. His eyes locked on the ceiling. "I never really thought about him before."

McCoy rolled his eyes. "Well… start thinking about it, Jim." He pushed off from the bed and slapped Jim's knee. "I have other patients to attend to."

"Wait… what?" Jim shot up and stared at him. "Bones?!"

"Damnit, Jim. I'm not that kind of Doctor! I can't tell you what to do! You'll have to decide for yourself. It could be years before you feel anything for him. Or it could never happen. That timeline has been destroyed. You'll probably never have to deal with it."

"Never?" Jim gasped rather dramatically. Never? When he allowed himself time to think, 'never' was never a possibility. The timing was always up in the air. But that it would never happen? Soulmates… he started hyperventilating and shaking uncontrollably.

"Jim!" McCoy was at his side, gripping his shoulders. "Get a hold of yourself, man!"

"Bones… you don't understand!" He grabbed his head and yanked at his hair. "I saw it! I felt it!" He groaned in pain and leaned over. "It was… incredible! I don't think… I can't ignore it!"

"Jim..." McCoy started softer. "I hear you but… but it's a different timeline. You can't make him love you."

Jim shook his head and pushed the Doctor away.

"Jim! Listen to me! Get a hold of yourself!"

He ignored him.

"Jim! Snap out of it!" McCoy pushed him back and slapped him across the face.

"Bones!" His eyes went wide.

"Now listen to me!" McCoy gripped his shoulders again. "What the other Spock showed you was 'his' past. Your future will be different because your past was different. Hell… our Spock is different too. The destruction of Vulcan, the death of his mother… these things can change a person! You and Spock are different from the other Spock's timeline! I'm not saying you won't or can't have a relationship. I'm saying it won't be the same."

"Bones… you actually slapped me!"

McCoy rolled his eyes. He released his hold on Jim and pushed against him before standing up. "Did you hear anything I just said?"

Jim sighed and nodded. "I did. Thanks, Bones. You really helped… I think." He rubbed at his cheek.

"Stop whining and sleep." He said in a warning tone. "I will drug you if needed." He rose and strode towards the door. "I will be back in fifteen minutes and you better be dead to the world. You can think about all this shit later." Then he was gone.

Jim sighed deeply, once again for the millionth time. Was Bones speaking the truth? Was he worried about something that would never happen? Did he want it to never happen? If it did happen, it wouldn't be for many years, right? He had 20 or 30 years. He rubbed at his forehead. Maybe he should just talk to his Spock about it. Spock was still dating Uhura, wasn't he? He didn't think to ask Spock and the onetime Uhura had visited, she wasn't alone and didn't mention it. He eyed the communicator on the table by his bed. He reached for it and punched in the buttons. "Spock?" He said tentatively.

"Yes Captain?" The Vulcan's answer was immediate. "Is something wrong?"

"No!" Jim said quickly. "I just…" Needed to hear your voice, he thought. "Wanted to say… I'm going to rest now so Bones'll lay off. But keep me posted on the Enterprise."

"That was precisely what I was planning on doing, Captain."

"Good. Uh… bye." He said awkwardly and tossed the communicator back onto the table.

.-*-*-*-.

**Author's Note:** Since I can't reply to Sapere's review, will say it here. No Spock/Uhura. Just wrong! Anyways… just bare with Kirk for now. He'll continue to be whiny until he gets back in the Captain's chair. Which will be soonish. Sort of. So… thanks for reading and reviewing, if you do. Chas out!


	3. Series of Interconnections

**Stardust  
****Chapter 3: Series of Interconnections**

No one moved and no sound was made as the hoverbed was loaded onto the platform and lifted up into the hanger of the Enterprise. Jim Kirk had had to be drugged and strapped to the bed to be boarded. Two days ago, he had stood in front of Starfleet and given an incredible speech, one that people were already saying would live on in history. His speech had been delivered, there was applause, and then he turned to step down from the podium and collapsed. He had been rushed back to the hospital and McCoy declared he was exhibiting signs of exhaustion and dehydration, and was once again on bed rest.

"I'm fine! I tripped!" Jim screamed. "I can fucking walk! So let me fucking walk!"

"Jim… the only way you're getting on board the ship is on this bed." McCoy said firmly.

Jim glared. "I'm fine!"

"Sedate him."

"NO!"

.-*-*-*-.

"Jim… I'm sorry." McCoy leaned forward on his chair, resting his hand on his knee. He was tired, in more ways than one. This man was going to be the death of him. He just knew it.

Jim lay on the very same medical bed he'd been on for nearly all of the past few months. Flat, on his back, with his eyes on the ceiling, he didn't answer as McCoy spoke.

"Jim! Please understand." McCoy pleaded. "It was either this… or leave you at Starfleet. I got you back on the ship, damnit! That's got to count for something!"

He was awake and listening. But Jim made no movement to suggest it. The 'silent treatment' was a rather childish tactic but he didn't care. He felt ridiculed, betrayed, embarrassed… all of Starfleet, the Federation, his crew… his mother… they'd all seen him being loaded onto his own ship. Drugged and strapped to a bed. Like an invalid.

Damnit man!" McCoy snapped. "Admiral Archer wanted you quarantined!"

Jim broke his silence with a snort. "Archer is like 300 years old. He shouldn't even have a say in Starfleet."

McCoy snorted as well and leaned back in his chair. "Admiral Archer isn't 300. He's… 150 at most."

"He should be dead." Jim stated blankly.

"My point, Jim, is not everyone in Starfleet agrees that I did the right thing in using Kahn's blood to save you. Some think Kahn has some… control over you."

"That's bullshit."

"Of course it is." McCoy snapped. "But the fear is still there."

Jim let out a long sigh, his eyes still on the ceiling. "Bones…months ago when I envisioned getting this mission… I was sitting on the bridge. With Spock and you and everyone around me. My crew. Not here… in medical bay on this fucking bed. Spock's up there in my chair… without me!" He lifted his head and propped himself up on the bed to look at McCoy. "Why can't I just be up there? Just get me a chair and let me sit beside him! Please!"

McCoy shook his head. "Jim… I can't let you on the bridge."

"Bones!" Jim shouted indignantly.

"You're too emotionally compromised. Give it a few days and if you've recovered enough, I'll get you that chair."

Jim was silent a moment, considering. "How much is enough?" He asked slowly.

McCoy took out his scanner. "You're currently 54% of what you were during your last healthy scans, before Kahn. Get back up to 80% and it's a deal."

"80%?" Jim shook his head. "No. 70%." He haggled.

McCoy rolled his eyes. "75%."

Jim smiled and leaned back on his bed, his arms folded under his neck. "Fine."

McCoy let out a loud sigh. "Just relax, Jim. Sleep, eat healthy. Tomorrow, if you're behaving, I'll let you in one of the new holo decks. Scotty's been working on a physical therapy sort of gym program."

"Physical therapy." Jim groaned.

McCoy rolled his eyes again. "You walked up two steps and collapsed."

"One time!"

"Jim! I swear…"

"Attention." Spock's voice came over the intercom, broadcasted ship wide. "This is acting Captain Spock. Our 5 year mission has been delayed until Captain Kirk is released for duty, to which I have been assured will be no longer than 2 weeks. Until then… we shall be testing out the new warp core and upgrades… and we've been… asked to… remain near Earth's orbit for 3 days. At that time when the Federation's conference ends… we will assist… in returning several diplomats to their planets." There was a brief pause. "I understand that this will come as a surprise to some but I assure you this is our only logically course of action." There was another brief paused. "Acting Captain out."

Jim sat up, throwing his arms out dramatically. "Oh that's just great, Bones."

"Damn." McCoy grumbled. "I had hoped you'd be asleep when he made the announcement."

"Until you say I'm good, we're running errands for Starfleet!"

"It's not that bad, Jim." McCoy rose from his seat and approached the bed. "Testing out new equipment so close to home is good."

"The mission, Bones!" Jim whined. "What about the mission?"

McCoy waved him off. "Minor delay."

"Why don't we just go now and let Spock Captain. You said you'd get me back up there."

McCoy shook his head. "Spock's a good man, but he's not you. A mission like this has never been attempted. Starfleet wants you in that chair for this." He leaned against the bed and softened his tone. "There was talk about a much longer delay. They wanted to reassign the whole crew and the Enterprise. Give you another ship in a year."

"They can't take my ship!" Jim snapped.

"They very well could." McCoy pointed out. "This was Spock's idea. To stop that from happening."

Jim opened his mouth and then closed it.

"He suggested using the extra time to test out the core and holo decks and have Scotty… teach. There're about 50 extra members of Starfleet aboard for a couple days." He paused. "Honestly Jim. This is it. Just… delayed." He shrugged.

"Delayed." Jim repeated.

McCoy nodded.

"Okay… fine." He shook his head. "Get me something to read or something to do."

.-*-*-*-.

The extra Starfleet officers on the Enterprise, among other things, got in Scotty's way. He more than once stormed into sickbay, screaming about something.

"I'm quittin'. Ye here me? Dere all idiots an' a keep touching everything!"

Despite his situation, Jim Kirk was having fun. He enjoyed teasing Scotty every chance he got. And doctor McCoy as well. The doctor had his doubts that Kirk could keep to his rules. But he had. He had remained in his bed for two whole days, finding various things to keep himself occupied. Once McCoy deemed him well enough to try out the physical therapy program of the holo deck, Jim spent all his time there.

By the end of the 4th day, with the extra Starfleet officers gone and the diplomats on board, McCoy was ready to allow Kirk back on the bridge. But he had declined.

"Your scan says 78%. I said you could go at 75%."

Jim shook his head. "I want it at 100%. Then we can stop this shuttle shit and get on with the mission."

McCoy had simply shrugged and Jim went on with his daily routine.

All his thoughts and energy were on getting back in top shape. He hadn't had time to think about Spock, or anything else. Not that the Vulcan had spared any time for him. Sulu had been down once a day to keep Kirk up to date. Scotty hadn't been the only one whose routine was upset. Too many people in engineering. Too many people on the bridge. Too many people in the halls. Too many extra people period that had no use on the starship.

"He'll be happy when this is over." Sulu said, shaking his head.

Jim raised his eyebrows. "Happy?"

Sulu shrugged. "Whatever happy is for a Vulcan."

.-*-*-*-.

"Bones!" Jim shouted loudly, literally jumping onto the exam table after having burst into sickbay rather loudly. "Today's the day." He announced, clapping his hands together.

McCoy rolled his eyes as he headed over to the table. "Jim, I'm busy." He tried to wave him off.

"Come on, Bones! We're almost to Bodego. Once we unload them, Starfleet will try to peg us with another lame ass mission."

"Jim…"

He slid off the table and started bouncing on his feet. "Come on." He bent his knees a bit and took a fighter's stance. He began shadowboxing the space around McCoy's head.

McCoy ducked and stepped around him. "Fine!" He snapped. "Stand still."

Jim let his hands fall to his side. He stood perfectly still as McCoy pulled out his scanner. Come on! Come on, come on, come on! He chanted internally. He wanted his ship back. He wanted his life back. Anymore of this and he would go crazy.

McCoy glared at his scanner and shook his head.

Jim's mouth dropped open. "Damn. How bad is it? I couldn't have gotten worse. Honestly, I feel great. I swear!"

"It's not…" McCoy mumbled.

Jim smiled.

"Jim… these scans… surpass any I've ever taken of you."

"That's good, right?"

McCoy shook his head. "I don't know."

Jim clapped him on the back. "You worry too much, Bones. I'm fine. And that…" He pointed at the scanner. "Says I'm Captain again."

"Jim…"

"That's Captain Kirk to you."

McCoy glared at him.

"Save that thought for later." Before McCoy would stop him, Jim was flying out the door and down the hall.

.-*-*-*-.

Bodego was a small planet on the edge of the charted universe. It was first approached by Starfleet 10 years ago. But it wasn't until the last year that the Bodians started talking with Starfleet. They are a race that operate on the same wavelength. They fear change above all and think as a unit. The idea of Starfleet was the most foreign thing in their history. But after countless attempts from Starfleet for them to join the Federation of Planets, they finally agreed to send a pair of diplomats to a conference on Earth.

"I hope this experience had been a positive one for you." Spock said as he escorted the two diplomats to the transport deck.

"Yes." The female said. Both walked in tandem with their eyes on the ground. Both were dressed in long, hooded robes that they never removed. The female in black and the male in white. Once they boarded the Enterprise, they were shown to their cabin and neither had ventured out.

"Perhaps if your capitol decides to join the Federation, you can visit again."

"Yes." The female answered again.

Spock highly doubted his words. This species would never join the Federation. But he could see the logic in sending the diplomats. Perhaps now, Starfleet would leave the planet alone. "Through here."

The door slid open and Sulu was waiting with three members of the security team. "We're ready, Captain."

Spock turned to the diplomats. "You're certain we are permitted?" No one from Starfleet had ever set foot on the small planet. Five was a large number when zero was the previous.

The female nodded.

"Do nothing." The male said. "Say nothing until is permitted." He glanced at the female. "Onsha."

She glanced at Spock. "We don't have word."

"Leader." Spock supplied. "I believe that is the closest translation."

She made a sound like a snort and shook her robbed head. "Onsha more…"

"Leader is fine word." The male interrupted. "Leader will meet us. He give answer for take to Starfleet."

"So fast?" Sulu asked.

The female nodded. "When we on planet, Onsha read us. Know conference. He have decision fast."

Spock tilted his head and gestured towards the pad. Sulu and the security team automatically stepped onto the transport pad. Spock followed and after a glance at one another, the two diplomats followed.

Scotty, standing at the control terminal, crossed his arms. He didn't like it. But then again, he never did.

"Commander Spock." Spock looked at him.

Scotty shook his head and his fingers began flying over the panel. The landing party dissipated.

.-*-*-*-.

A split second later, the bridge erupted as lights and sirens went off.

"Sir! I've lost them!"

"Vat du yous mean?" Chekov shouted from the Captain's chair.

"There was an explosion." Answered the man from his normal terminal.

Chekov jumped up and shoved him aside. "They're gone?" He hit the intercom. "Mr. Scott! Get them back here!"

"I'm trying to!" The chief engineer answered.

"Doctor McCoy to ze transport room."

"Already on my way." He answered.

Chekov's fingers flew over the panel. "I've got Sulu."

"Locking on." Scotty answered immediately.

Jim stumbled off the lift, his eyes wide. "What's happening?" He called out.

"I can't find Spock!" Chekov yelled. "Sulu?"

"Spock?" Jim froze.

"Sulu! Can zu read me?"

"Someone answer me!" Jim shouted.

If Chekov heard Jim, he didn't acknowledge him. He was still bent over his terminal, searching.

"Here." Came a muffled answer.

"Sulu! Vat happened?"

"Ambush…"

"I've gotta lock on Spock." Scotty interrupted. "But it's faint. I dunna sink he can last much longer."

"Sulu!" Chekov said. "Where's de security team?"

"Dead…"

"De diplomats?"

"Dead."

"Scotty! Get them out of there!" Chekov yelled.

The ship lurched and the sirens went off. "Sir, we're being shot at!"

"Full shields!" Chekov shouted. "Where?"

"From the planet, sir."

Chekov hunched over the panel. "Scotty?"

"Got'em." He answered. "Get us out of here!"

"Move us out of range." Chekov said. "But keep us close. Keep ze shields up an' an eye on the planet. Ready ze weapons."

"Moving out of range, sir."

"Chekov!" McCoy's voice came over the intercom.

"Here, sir."

"Have you seen Kirk?"

Chekov straightened up and glanced around. Jim stood near the lift door, like he hadn't moved. "He's here sir."

"Jim?"

Jim cleared his throat and stepped towards Chekov. "Yeah, Bones."

"Get down here now! I'm losing him."

Jim froze again. "Bones?"

"Spock."

.-*-*-*-.

**Author's Notes:** I am a horrible Trekkie. I tried to do some research on Admirals. In the 2009 Star Trek, Admiral Archer is mentioned. But in the Trekverse timeline, he'd be like 141 when Scotty lost his dog. So tried to find some other Admirals to mention. But the only ones mentioned were Pike and Marcus. And then I started getting sick. And I'm sick. And I'd rather put out the chapter then wait.

Also… yes, I killed Spock. But come on. You all know where I'm going, right? Anyone who knows the original Star Trek knows. If you don't, Google the original movies.

And yes, you will find out what happened on Bodego. And Bodego is a play on boldly go, just in case you didn't get that. My whole childhood, I heard my mom shout, "I want to go to boldly go!" Every time we watched Star Trek and they said that line, EVERY TIME, she shouted it. She still does. Though now she says it in this whiny, high pitched voice that sounds like Bodego.


	4. Collapse Under Their Own Weight

**Blah blah blah.** I've been really sick and I hate this chapter. I went round and round in circles and gave up. Here. Have a crappy chapter. I gave the dead security team random names. Everyone should have a name. Even if their sole purpose in a plotline is to die.

.-*-*-*-.

**Stardust  
****Chapter 4: Collapse Under Their Own Weight**

"We were headed to Bodego to drop the last of the diplomats." Jim said blankly. He sat, motionless, at the end of the table in the conference room. To his right sat McCoy and to his left were Sulu and Chekov. All were turned towards the view screen on the opposite end of the small room. Jim didn't really see the face on the screen. It was just some admiral that he didn't have a name for. He should care but he didn't.

"I don't recall ever knowing their names." He shrugged slightly. "They were just listed as male and female Bodego diplomats in the ship's log." Jim said. "I was in the holo deck when we arrived. I went to sick bay to discuss my returning to captaincy of the ship with Chief Medical Officer, Leonard McCoy. After a brief exam, he released me for duty…"

McCoy leaned forward to interject.

"And I left for the bridge." Jim continued loudly, stopping him. "I was dawdling in the halls. I wasn't in any hurry at the time because I knew I had to wait for the landing party to return before taking over." Jim felt immense guilt over that fact but he kept it at bay while he gave his report. "The landing party consisted of three security officers; Frank Belle, Tina Tylan, and Bleu Forster; Acting First Officer Hikaru Sulu, and Acting Captain Spock."

McCoy turned his gaze to Jim as he spoke the Vulcan's name. There was no emotion in his voice of any kind. No anger, no sadness. The doctor was worried. Although, when was he not worried about his friend?

"They beamed down with the diplomats." Jim turned to Sulu and nodded his head.

"We were to meet their leader." Sulu said to the screen. "A man, I believe, that they call Onsha. We landed in the center of their capitol, next to a fountain. We were told it would be a busy place. Like the very center of their main town. I was expecting to see their weird robes everywhere. But it was completely empty. We were all looking around and Officer Bleu said something about it being empty. Spock asked the diplomats. And then… it just… we just…" He started stuttering.

Chekov placed his hand on Sulu's shoulder in comfort.

Sulu shook his head slowly. "There was no warning. I was looking at Spock and the diplomats… and then I was thrown backwards into the fountain. I hit so hard that I cracked the center piece and it fell on me. I don't know how long I was pinned but I don't think it was long. My ears were ringing from the blast; I couldn't hear anything right away. Spock and Bleu eventually appeared and dug me out. Bleu said the rest of his team was killed in the explosion. He went to check the diplomats and found they had both been shot. We had our phasers out but… we just… couldn't see anything! Dust and debris from the blast clouded the air. Nothing was there and then suddenly… shots ring out and Bleu collapses and we're firing back and… Spock gets hit… I ducked back into the fountain and my communicator went off." His voice had begun to squeak and he leaned back.

Chekov leaned forward on the table and started drumming his fingers on its surface. "Spock left me vith ze bridge." He said. "Ve lost ze signal when ze explosion happened. I vas able tu get Sulu back an' Mr. Scott found Spock."

Jim leaned forward and held up his hand. "Chief Engineer Montgomery Scott is effecting repairs. He denied request to be here."

The nameless admiral nodded. "Continue."

Chekov nodded and then shrugged. "Das it. Ve vere being fired on. Ze source… ve couldn't detect. Just came from ze surface. As soon as Mr. Scott had Sulu and Spock on board, ve moved de ship out of range."

Jim leaned back in his chair and folded his hands on the table. "Commander Spock was dead within minutes."

McCoy glared at him and frowned. "I tried but he was too far gone when we got him back on board the ship."

A silence followed before the admiral on the screen spoke. "Is that is?"

"Yes." Jim said with a slight nod.

"So let me get this straight. You have no idea what happened? The diplomats we were entrusted with and four members of Starfleet are killed, a starship fired on, and you have no clue how or why?"

Jim shook his head. "No, sir."

"Find out." The screen went blank.

McCoy nosily pushed his chair away from the table and stoop up. "Jim!"

"Is Spock's body ready for transport?" Jim asked as he rose from his seat, much slower and quieter than the doctor.

"No…" McCoy answered slowly.

"Get it ready." Jim straightened his shirt and pushed in his chair. "We're not too far from New Vulcan. Send a message to the Vulcan High Council with our condolences and that we will be returning the body on a shuttle."

"Jim!" McCoy stepped towards him, preparing to grab him.

Jim pushed him away and raised his finger. "That's an order." He turned to Sulu. "Computer. I'm promoting Hikaru Sulu to First Officer. Note the time and date in the ship's log. Also send a confirmation to Starfleet for their records."

"Affirmative."

Sulu's mouth had dropped open. "Captain…"

Jim held up his hand. "Report to the bridge, Sulu." He glanced at Chekov. "Both of you. Now."

"Captain!"

"I said now!"

Reluctantly, all three men left the Captain alone.

.-*-*-*-.

"Congratulations." Her tone of voice didn't convey her words. Her hidden meaning seeped through like posion. Her mouth was pulled taut and her eyes wrinkled in a glare.

Sulu moved past Uhura, ignoring her as he entered the bridge.

"I said…" She stepped in front of him, cutting him off. "Congratulations."

"Don't." He hissed slowly, trying to keep his voice low. He didn't need the crew overhearing.

She grabbed his arm before he could move away again. "Why not? It's what you wanted, wasn't it? Him out of the way."

"He was my commanding officer." Sulu hissed back, his voice full of venom. "And my friend!" He pushed her off and approached the captain's chair. He crossed his arms and turned towards the monitors.

Chekov glanced between Sulu and Uhura, catching the end of their exchange. But he said nothing and sat down at his station.

"Sir…" The woman sitting opposite of Chekov started slowly. "I'm picking up a distress call." She turned around and looked at Sulu. "From Bodego, sir."

"On screen."

.-*-*-*-.

McCoy stood in the doorway of Spock's quarters. Even without help, he was pretty sure he could have found the Captain. Maybe he was finally ready to mourn. McCoy crossed his arms and smiled as he leaned against the frame. "Jim."

Jim stood, his back to him, on the far side. It appeared as if he was staring at the wall. He let out a loud sigh. "How'd you find me?"

"Ship's computer." McCoy answered, his smile broadening. "There's nowhere on board that you can hide from me. Or yourself."

"Damn stalker." Jim snapped as he turned slowly. "Computer, you suck."

"I do not understand." The computer's voice replied.

Jim rolled his eyes. "Nevermind, computer."

"Jim…" McCoy crossed the room and reached for him.

Jim stepped back and held up his hands. "I'm fine, Bones."

"Damnit, man! You're not fine!"

"I am, Bones. I'm… calm." He said slowly. "I can't explain it. I just… am."

"Jim…"

"I know I shouldn't be." Jim said, clearly confused himself. "I know I should feel… something." He shrugged and waved him off. "Call it a copping mechanism."

"Jim… it was like a week ago that you lay in that hospital bed, professing your love… or future love… for the guy. You had an anxiety attack when I said it might not happen." McCoy shook his head in disbelief. "How could you feel nothing?"

"I just… do." Jim assured him. "Really Bones."

"Captain?"

Jim turned away from McCoy and hit his communicator. "Here Sulu."

"We've received a distress call, from the leader of Bodego. He's asked for our help in locating what he believes to be a rebel faction on his planet. He believes this faction is responsible for the attack on our landing party."

Jim lifted his eyes to meet McCoy's gaze. "The responsible party…" He said slowly.

"In return, he says he'll hand over these rebels and agree to join the Federation."

"That settles it." Jim said with a smile. "Tell him I'll beam down alone…"

"Like hell…" McCoy snapped.

Jim stepped around him, still smiling. "I'll assess and if it's not another ambush, Sulu will assemble a team and join me and we'll get to the bottom of this. Admiral's orders."

"I'm going with you."

"Great." Jim clapped him on the back. "Let's go then."

McCoy glared at him but let him pull him towards the door. They left Spock's quarters and headed towards the transport room. Jim was practically skipping and McCoy was glaring the entire time.

"No!" Scotty suddenly appeared running up behind them. "Jim!" He breathed out. "This planet opened fire on us. They killed crew members. You canne go alone."

"He's not." McCoy sighed.

Jim clapped Scotty on the shoulder. "You're going to beam us down directly into whatever castle or house or hut this Onsy guy is in and keep a lock on us. If it's a trick, get us out. But I don't think it is. This is a species that fear change. Starfleet is forcing change. I think… there really is a rebel faction… or something…"

"Listen to yourself Jim." McCoy said. "Fearing change and yet able to have rebels…."

"It's perfectly logical…"

"Jim!"

"Just no, Bones." He said forcefully. "No. I'm going now. Either you come with me and follow orders or stay here. You will not debate me. Now, Scotty, get your ass inside."

Scotty and McCoy glanced at one another before following him inside. "Off you go then." Scotty said, taking his place behind the terminal.

Jim stepped up and McCoy joined him.

"I have ze cordinants, Mr. Scott." Chekov's voice came over the intercom.

"Go ahead, laddy."

"I hope you know what you're doing." McCoy grumbled.

Jim shrugged. "You're the one who's following me."

"Because you're…"

They vanished. Scotty let out a loud sigh and leaned back in his chair. He wasn't sure which one he was more worried about. Jim getting in trouble or Bones saving him.

.-*-*-*-.

"… acting like a total jackass!" McCoy snapped as they reappeared.

"Are you done?" Jim was smiling.

"No!"

He shrugged and then pointed. "Well we're here." He turned from McCoy and glanced around the room. It was large and crudely constructed. The walls were wood, the floor was wood, what appeared to be a chair was wood, and the table thing. The walls were smeared with a sort of white clay, and the floor was covered in furry pelts. "Real… basic."

"Of the planet, connects to planet." A voice said.

"This isn't over." McCoy snapped.

"Yes it is." Jim said calmly and turned around.

A man dressed in white walked towards them. He looked mostly humanoid. Skin tone and eyes were the biggest noticeable differences. His skin was a pale pastel purple. His eyes were larger, solid black, and a third eye lay vertical on his forehead. His hair was short and a darker color that matched his skin.

McCoy's eyes widened. He stepped closer to Jim. "I've never seen one up close." He whispered.

"No one has." Jim whispered back. "No one's been allowed on the planet."

"Did we know they have three eyes?" That was the surprising fact. Their skin colors weren't as strange to the doctor. He'd seen pictures and glimpsed the hands of the diplomats. The females were green.

Jim shrugged. "Those hooded robes cover them. The diplomats wore them the entire time they were on the ship."

McCoy's eyebrows furrowed. "How do you know?"

Jim ignored him and cleared his throat. "Apologies. We didn't mean to stare. It's just…"

"Different." The man said.

Jim smiled and nodded. "Yes."

"You too." He said.

Jim laughed. "Yeah. Guess we are. We're all a little different."

"Trauk." He said, pointing to himself.

Jim nodded. "Jim.

"Leonard." McCoy added, pointing to himself.

Trauk nodded, copying their mannerisms. "Onsha see you."

"Awesome." Jim clapped his hands together.

He frowned. "No word."

"He means… good." McCoy supplied. "We will… see him."

"None else see him."

Jim laughed. "None else on planet."

McCoy jabbed him in the side. "Don't make fun of the aliens on their own planet!" He hissed.

"Hey… we're the aliens here… hey! Where'd he go?" Jim asked as he glanced around. The man was gone.

"You scared him off."

"Oh come on." Jim said walking towards the door. "There's a door."

"No need door." They turned at the voice as a much larger man appeared. He was wrinkled and looked much older than the first guy. His skin was a paler purple and he had these glowing white spirals and designs that ran over his bald head, neck, and torso.

"Those are the symbols of the Onsha." Jim explained to McCoy. "They are born with them and they began to glow once they… become leader… right?"

The Onsha's mouth twisted into a smile. "Yes." He held his hand out to Jim. "Human shake?"

Jim stepped towards him and grasped his offered hand. "It's nice to meet you."

"Other time talk." He said quickly. "Short time. No time dark."

"It's fine." McCoy said, moving closer to join them. "We can travel in the dark. We have lights."

"No dark." Onsha repeated.

McCoy crossed his arms and tilted his head. "Why?"

"Planet sleeps dark. All dark."

"If this rebel faction is Bodian…" Jim began slowly. "Then they'll follow Bodian ways. Can't you feel them? Read them or whatever."

The weirdly glowing man shook his head. "In all history, never before. But is missing."

"Some of your people are missing?" Jim crossed his arms, nodding. "You know which ones?"

He nodded.

"But how can they separate?" Jim asked. "You like… read everyone. You control everyone, right?"

"In way, yes."

"Jim…"

"Shh." Jim held his hand to McCoy. "I'm on a roll." He turned back to the leader. "You're so adverse to change… why agree now to join the federation? I mean… change is so bad to you… that the threat of change… the federation… forced some of your people to… bring on a huge change… somehow separating from you and the planet and act on their own."

The Onsha nodded. "Correct."

"We've been ordered to find the responsible party. We would have helped you without your agreeing to join the federation." Jim said, shaking his head slowly. "So why?"

"Because." The Onsha started, looking Jim in the eyes. "These rebels… killed daughter and took son."

"Your daughter…" Jim gasped in realization. "The diplomats!"

He nodded. "Daughter and husband."

"And your son is the next Onsha?"

He nodded again. "Called Ongka."

"Jim!" McCoy snapped, pulling on his arm. "How do you know any of this?"

"Get off." He pried the doctor's arm off. "I read the mission files." He clicked his communicator. "Sulu."

"Yes Captain?"

"Mission parameters changed slightly." Jim said into the tiny device. "The… sort of… prince has been kidnapped. Get down here with your team and have the bridge scan the planet for… any signs of… localized movements, away from the city."

"Yes Captain."

"Bring an extra communicator." Jim closed his own communicator.

"Jim… it'll be dark soon." McCoy said. "I believe we've been told we can't travel at night."

"Oh we can travel at night." Jim said, turning towards the Onsha. "Right? Like… physically, we can. But the Bodians will all be asleep. They all sleep together, when the planet sleeps." Jim furrowed his eyebrows and tilted his head, thinking. "Even though they've been disconnected from you…" He pointed to the Onsha. "They're still connected to the planet, right? And the planet sleeps when you sleep." He turned back to McCoy. "It's like… he's the planet, Bones."

McCoy's mouth hung open. "Damnit man, what's wrong with you?"

"Correct." The Onsha said.

"He's right?" McCoy shook his head. "Jim!"

"I… just know… uh… read the reports… whatever…" He said it fast and waved him off. "Not important Bones."

"Not important?!"

"You agreed to follow my orders." Jim snapped. "Either follow or go back to the ship."

"Jim…" McCoy sighed. "I'm your friend…"

"I know." He said quickly. "Just… help me with this… and when we get back to the ship… I'll leave Sulu in charge for a few days and you can give me a full psych evaluation. I promise."

McCoy studied him for a moment before letting out a sigh. "Fine. But I'm holding you to it. I'm worried about you. As a friend."

Jim smiled and nodded. "And I appreciate it." He tilted his head to the side. "Most of the time." He added.

McCoy pushed him.

.-*-*-*-.

**Author's Notes:** There. I've fixed it the best I can. All the needless information and the lame aliens. I was trying to come up with a weird planet that could fit in with those weird ass planets from the original series. There were some weird aliens. I was probably trying to be too weird to start off with. But don't worry. The aliens will get weirder.


End file.
